Hillary Clinton’s brief but famous moment of vulnerability on the campaign trail- when she was reduced to tears before a New Hampshire crowd- might have scored her points with the female vote in the primaries, but if she can’t talk sports like the boys, all she’ll be scoring with the less-fair sex is more high negatives.

Over the course of her long political career, Hillary Clinton has claimed to be a fan of two Major League Baseball teams, the Chicago Cubs (because she grew up in Illinois) and the New York Yankees (because she currently lives in New York). Dual fandom is, of course, and egregious infidelity in the minds of sports fans, a taboo that demands both an explanation and a final decision one way or the other. However, Mrs. Clinton refuses to reconcile the fact that she cheers out of both sides of her mouth, allowing a simple sports question- one that every single other candidate in the field can knock out of the park for personality building- to highlight two of her most infuriating qualities: vagueness and a lack of personal connection.

Hillary at rally

When pressed in a recent debate into supporting either the Yankees or the Cubs in a hypothetical World Series matchup between the two teams, Hillary drew eye-rolling laughter from a neutral crowd for her unnecessary politicking when she told moderator Tim Russert that, in that situation, she would “alternate sides.”

But how can someone who plays with and beat the boys in so many other arenas strike out in the simplest of them all, the sports arena?

Hillary’s record of supporting sports teams suffers from three main problems: 1) Her life has moved her from a childhood in Illinois, to education in New England, to the Governor’s Mansion in Arkansas, to the White House in Washington D.C., to a Senatorial seat in New York, and thus she would have developed allegiances to several different regions and their respective pro sports teams; 2) She appears to be disinterested in team sports; 3) She has that despicable politician’s instinct for never getting pinned down- ever- even when rooting for a sports team.

Her contradictory fandom has even made for the title of an increasingly famous book, “I’ve Always Been a Yankees Fan: Hillary Clinton in Her Own Words.” While it seems unlikely that it will become for Hillary what “Unfit For Command” was for John Kerry, it’s notable that author Tom Kuiper used that particular Hillary quote (paired with a cover photo of her wearing a bright blue Cubs hat) out of the book-full of potential character assassinations. There’s something altogether too simple and all encompassing about switching team loyalties that drives people crazy, that gives voters another easy yet nonsensical reason for deciding not to like Hillary Clinton all over again.

Because of what today’s presidential campaigns have become, Hillary’s resume, political savvy, fundraising ability, name-recognition and positions on the issues might matter less than ever before. When the race for the presidency can turn into a contest, not between which candidate has the best nuanced stance on foreign trade agreements and education, but between which candidate you’d rather look up to see holding the funnel of your beer bong, the politician who can resonate as a fellow pledge can win a well-meaning but nonetheless ignorantly barbarian voting block by merely picking a team, any team, and sticking with them through thick and thin.

Likeability is paramount to substance, a fact that’s been beaten into American political strategy for the past eight years it seems. Yet Hillary must believe that she can break up the, as she calls it, “all-boys club” by not playing the same scripted act of pro sports team faithfulness that has been a prerequisite for high public office for so long.

Her husband was famous for attending Arkansas Razorbacks basketball games, got his pass in gym and moved on… all the way to the White House after effortlessly personally connecting with Average Joe. But while Bill Clinton was a natural at winning people over with his charm, Hillary has none of Bill’s raw magnetism and much more baggage to weigh her down. And yet she refuses to do the easy things- like answering opinion-based sports questions correctly- to compensate for her obvious shortcomings. She could also benefit from learning the saxophone and being seen with a golf club in hand. But aside from developing a real hobby, she could at least come prepared for a debate question that she had to have seen coming.

Barrack Obama can claim the Chicago Bears as his sports association, John Edwards the North Carolina Tar Heels, and whether these teams win or lose or even if they can’t name just one player on their favorite teams, Obama and Edwards are rewarded with lay-up likeability points every time the conversation switches to sports. And it always does.

Everybody could see the sports question coming up when Hillary ran for the U.S. Senate in New York because people knew she was a transplant. Hillary chose to align herself with the New York Yankees when she settled into the Empire State’s high-visibility political world. Yet everybody knows that Rudy Giuliani is the biggest Yankee politico in the Big Apple. Hillary’s apparent bandwagoning allowed Giuliani to openly question her honesty- something that voters really do care a lot about.

Said Rudy while Clinton was campaigning to be a senator; “I haven’t seen her at a Yankee game. I’ve been at Yankee Stadium maybe 1,000 times and I haven’t seen Mrs. Clinton.”

Some argue that Senator Clinton should have taken sides with the New York Mets when forced to root for a New York baseball team, simply to avoid a fight she was bound to lose. But then again, everybody knows the Yankees are winners.