Boxing is the Best Sports Metaphor for the 2008 Presidential Primaries

John McCain knocks out Mitt Romney in the third round. Obama dances around Clinton, bobbing and weaving, and keeping out of reach so that he can win on points at the final bell. But wait, the judges are taking an awfully long time to determine the winner…

In an effort to accurately depict the presidential primary races, writers, anchorpersons and pundits use a wide array of metaphors. Sports metaphors in particular dominate the printed page, the television screen and radio airwaves when the Democratic and Republican primary elections are the subject of discussion. And it’s no wonder why.

When you’re conveying the story of an election, which is at its heart a kind of competition, naturally sports metaphors will work easily and effectively to illuminate a point. Due to the popularity of sports in American culture and the saturation of sports terminology in everyday life, sports language and sports metaphors simply cannot be separated from the primary election conversation.

The most common metaphors slip into the political dialogue seamlessly. Think about the race for the Whitehouse, the jabs that candidates give one another, and the comebacks they achieve. If we can’t talk sports when we’re talking politics, we don’t have much to talk about at all.

But which sports metaphor most accurately describes the primary elections? This question was the basis for a competition (a sport if you will?) hosted by Slate Magazine. Readers were encouraged to write in their favorite sports metaphor for the Hillary Clinton-Barack Obama Democratic Party presidential candidate primary election. Ideas came in from all over the globe, with every kind of sport or game imaginable presented, and all were, in one way or another, symbolic of the election. Some were better than others. In the end the prevailing metaphor, as decided by Slate’s writers, was boxing. And I couldn’t agree more.

How does boxing knock out the other political-sports metaphors? First, let’s go over the ways in which the other sports fail to be as all-encompassing as boxing.

There are plenty of sports which are popular in America, and it would seem to follow that the best sports metaphor would be one that is easily understood by the general population of the United States. This would eliminate some good sports, such as soccer, cricket and rugby. Although soccer has some nice comparisons (such as the length of the game, the boringness, the acting) hardly anybody in the States would appreciate randomly throwing in “yellow cards” and “offside calls” into the political conversation. No, like a good presidential candidate, a good primary election metaphor must be American-born,

Team sports are no good, either. Although there are fine cases to be made for sports like baseball, football, basketball and hockey (all very American, all very accessible in nomenclature) they’re tagged out because of the team aspect of those sports. Sure, the candidates have their staff and spouses, campaigns and endorsements behind them, but in the end primaries especially are a one-on-one competition.

The candidates are selling themselves as individuals, with personally nuanced stances on the issues. Their personalities and resumes are the focus of the debate. Instead of getting backed by the parties, individual fortunes and individual donations fund the battle (see Mitt Romney, Hillary Clinton). When the general election kicks off, the Republicans and Democrats go at one another as two teams. We will again play one broad party platform against the other. A party’s officially nominated presidential candidate will symbolize his or her side of the political aisle. The red team will play the blue team for the right to hoist the Bible at the swear-in ceremony. Only then can the team metaphors become apt. But for now, there are no teams. The primary is an individual sport, with the teams not entering the discussion until they can decide on their starting quarterback. For now, it’s an in-camp position battle.

Individual American sports make for the best sports-as-primary election metaphors. That leaves us with a few sports left. There’s horse racing, which is a nice metaphor because of the pageantry, the show of it all, and the whole race aspect of it. One candidate is trying to make it to the party convention floor before the others.

But thoroughbred races are sprints. A better metaphor still is the marathon, which, in addition to pitting two humans against one another, it also accurately describes the extended timeframe of the primary elections- long and tiring.

But come to think of it, the primaries aren’t really about racing from one place to another faster than your competitor. They’re about racking up the most points from several mini-competitions. If long distance bicycle racing were more popular in America, it might fit, but perhaps a better metaphor is found with a points-based individual competition: Figure skating.

While it only grabs the attention of the American public every four years (a fitting way to describe the electoral process), figure skating terminology is still accessible, if seldom used. We know what landing the triple axel means, but it’s an awkward, if not comedic sports metaphor when you try to jam it into a political conversation. Tennis could do, if only Joe Six Pack could stand Brain Williams claiming that Rudy Giuliani double faulted. I don’t think that would volley. And golf would be well over par.

Then there’s boxing. It’s American. It’s an individual sport. The terminology has been beaten into our brains. The competition is played out in a series of sub bouts (rounds) where the winner can either knock his opponent out quickly and decisively (John McCain), or can come down to the scorecard with no unanimous winner (Clinton-Obama).

There are also plenty of tiny examples where distinct boxing matches accurately convey the story of the primary. Obama could be the metaphorical Muhammad Ali, charismatic and graceful, while Clinton is Joe Frazier, the unrelenting force. But there’s one last part of the boxing metaphor which puts it over the top of all the other sports.

Superdelegates.

Imagine the Cubs scoring 5 runs and the Yankees scoring 4, and then after the final out the umpires getting together to determine to which team they will award the win, based on their own preferences. That’s pretty much how boxing is done, though. And that’s exactly the kind of thing that will happen in the Democratic primary election. The combatants pound each other round after round, while scoring just enough points so that either one can win it at the end. Nameless scorekeepers then determine the winner as they see fit- and there’s barely any denying that the crowds, the promoters and any number of other corrupting elements influences will rig the judges’ final outcome.

Boxing is perfectly fitting to describe the primaries because it’s such a one-on-one, imperfect, confounding, corrupt, and all-together American sport. No wonder it turns so many people off.